I am a blur.

I am a blur.
I don't know where I'll stop nor where I've begun.
I seamlessly blend amid the continuum.
I am s t r e t c h i n g far and beyond the imaginable.
Inscrutable though I've become,
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Things I meant to say: part two.

It seems like months since my trip to the Twin Cities when actually it's only been three weeks since I visited the metropolises and my top choice college, which translates roughly to several blogging years. We've all been incredibly busy, though, and apologizing for my absence is kinda silly. It's not as if I'm otherwise planning the next four years of my life or anything.

Everything was beautiful in St. Paul, Minnesota. The leaves were vibrant oranges and deep reds, forming a scene I can only attempt to recreate through acrylics or capture well on my camera. I find it's never as overwhelmingly breathtaking after the fact, and that makes me sad.

I keep telling myself I'll write more about the details of the trip. I don't know why I delude myself. The chances that I am able to fully express all that I experienced are low anyway. My laziness compels me to copy and paste the Facebook status I wrote about it: "[I] had a great time visiting Macalester today! I met some awesome people, ate good food at the Mac, and learned so much more about campus and classes. Seriously, today was super fun and enlightening!"

Since pictures don't lie, I figure I'll just post those:
(I've tried to load more but it says 'bad request'. Poo.)

Things I meant to say: part one.

It's already been a few weeks since, but I never mentioned how much I enjoyed Spirit Week. I figured I had to make it count, being my last one and all. Kaitlin and I dressed up as Neon Trees for Neon Day. Hey, I thought it was clever. Fun fact: I painted my face so green people thought I was a goblin. Plus, we made matching iron-on t-shirts to explain our joke. No regretz.

The man lurking behind us is our physics teacher.

For Celebrity day, Aryn dressed up as Lady Gaga. She wasn't the only one, though (see: person in background to the right.)

I fell in love with Swanny's sunglasses then I fell in love with this picture of Swanny's sunglasses.

It was Extreme Twin day, so naturally Garrett showed up to school like this.

For era day, seniors were Roman/Greek and juniors were prehistoric. The caveman (fourth from the left) is the infamous Chem Boy I mention on twitter.

Spirit Day meant a s'mores party in AICE Chem.

Puja, Aniesa and I at our last high school homecoming pep rally. Good times, good times.

I didn't go to the Homecoming game that Friday because I had SAT Subject Tests the next morning. Yet, as my luck would have it, it ended up a truly remarkable victory for us in double overtime. I wish I could've gone; if nothing else to see the super tall, super cute quarterback in action. Funny story, I actually know him and he defies the stereotypical airhead jock. I'm not kidding, he watches 30 Rock and writes insightful comments on English papers -- or so my junior informants tell me. It's just not fair that he and I didn't become best friends in Spanish class last year.

I went to Homecoming in a sparkly, gold, sequin dress. I thought that, besides Patricia who wore her Ariel dress, I was by far the classiest. It's as if girls lose all self-respect that night and find it necessary to show off everything. Still, I got to see Zack for the first time since he left for college and generally had an alright time. My expectations were low to begin with, of course. I was too afraid to bring my DSLR to the event and thus the only photos I took are on my disposable camera. That reminds me, I need to get that developed soon.

As the title suggests, there will be a part two. Stay tuned.

I'm not scared to admit I've changed.

I just finished re-reading Paper Towns and, sweet molasses, that book is good. It definitely spoke to me more now than it did sophomore year, which is only a testament to how much I've changed. Obviously nothing was different about the story itself: same beginning, same middle, same end.

“As paralyzing and upsetting as all the never agains were, the final leaving felt perfect. Pure. The most distilled form of liberation.. It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
-- John Green, Paper Towns

I'd write more, but I'm not finding the words.

Have a good rest of your weekend, everyone.

Houdini.

My life is wholesomely good. I like that there aren't any artificial sweeteners stirred in, even though that means dealing with the bitterness left behind. And so I pucker up my lips and let the tears streak down. Down until my sob becomes a cataclysm of emotion I cannot reconcile. I go to the bathroom to splash water on my face yet it makes no difference. Nothing can wake me from this daze.
Thoughts have been consuming me lately and I've become entangled in my own head. I want to express myself -- probably more so than I have in forever -- but I also want to selfishly revel in my revelations. I can't spend a whole lunch around my friends anymore. I was found, but now I'm lost.

These past few weeks have been extraordinarily busy and I haven't had time to complete everything on my to-do list. Especially writing letters to Natalie, Amy and Maggie. Believe me, I feel like a terrible person. I'm a constant whirlwind of worry, preoccupied with what I haven't done. School work has reached an all time high and I've just about had enough.

And now I am way too tired to write...

P.S. Tomorrow is my seventeenth birthday. Send me things or don't send me things. Either way is fine.